Before I go into a post that's mostly negative about GPS, let me tell you that this is RARE. Overall, this is the best blessing for me to have. I am a LOT more adventurous and the "Will I get lost" is no longer a deciding factor when invited somewhere.

However, there are times where it will be so infuriatingly frustrating. But it's not really its fault. The first two times was because it was my parents' unit and they never upgraded the maps and so the GPS thought there was an A&W where there was the gas station I frequent and a bank branch in a suburb cul-de-sac.

And this time, I blame Wal-Mart for changing locations on me between map upgrades. IN TWO LOCATIONS.

See, there's one I go to all the time. And there's one that's probably closer. But I was already in another part of town and going to Wal-Mart before another appointment.

Let me tell the story...

My plans for the day were to leave early enough to get to the bank and spend some time in Wal-Mart before going to my social things.

First social thing was D&D and that started at 5:30. I intended to be there at 4:30 to counterbalance my tendency to be chronically late.

Well, getting to the bank wasn't an issue. I didn't even need my GPS as I've been there many times before. I could have used the GPS to see if there was one closer, but being too late would have resulted in no money until Monday and my weekend is too full for that to happen.

Then I used the GPS to look for a close Wal-Mart. It took me to where they gated off an abandoned Wal-Mart so I drove through the parking lot of Sam's Club grumping and tried another address. No Wal-Mart again. By this point, the closest one was in Maumelle, so that one was there.

Sometime during the drive to the bank or something, I grew determined to also get my hair cut. And jeans. Jeans were a definite.

So, by now it's really close to 5. I decide to get my hair cut anyay. After that, I went to the clothing section close-by and grabbed a pair of jeans as well.

One, last time I looked for jeans and it wasn't winter, it was nigh impossible. Nay, it WAS impossible. I ended up going to a boutique store. Cheaper than $50 but I am NOT a boutique girl. Heck, I'm not even a department store girl. (When Lori says boutique, she means not a department or discount store.)

But luckily I found a pair in the size of the pants I was wearing at the moment.

The plan was to change at LARP, hopefully with no one realizing because oddly, the idea of people noticing is embarrassing. (However, since this is after the fact, I don't care if you guys know.)

So on the way to D&D, the fear that they might NOT fit me. I've just recently in the last year or two went to the grab and if it doesn't fit take it back system over the try on at the store system.

Anyway, I get to D&D. I'm a little late, but so are a few other people. We do our thing. There's a legitimate reason for my character to run away without being a douche, coward or snob. She's going to get help. Well, I leave a tad late because there was cheesecake with yummy glaze.

I get to the game right at 8:30 and JUST as the STs are giving the pre-game briefing. Seems one AST was too busy to mess with my herd this time. LOL So I got signed in, went to listen and then there was IC check in.

I met a new girl who also plays a Malk. :) Yay! So we check in, I say I'm slipping OOC for a bit. I had decided not to change pants and just gathered my little moleskin.

However, after a few minutes, I decided I DID want to change, so went outside to get that. I was SO happy that they fit. Even better than the ones I had, I think. So, I was finally settled in, even cooling down, and game went on.

The game is awesome. Getting annoyed at Clara's mistrust as it's preventing some interactions, but there's getting to be enough that she trusts (as much as she can) that the game is becoming more involved for me.

But since I didn't get all I intended to at Wal-Mart, I may try to go again before tonight’s' parties. Especially since I can bring something this time!

I have awesome friends (and STs) that won't shun me for not being able to contribute, but it still weighs on me when I can't. Being able to contribute for even etiquette reasons relieves me so I can have much more relaxed fun. AND I can invite people for coffee now! :)

But I still need an ongoing job. This breath of air is a good gulp, but not sure how long it'll have to last.

Ultimate Lesson: Do what you're scared of. It's amazing what comes from being brave.

My first actual audition. I got extremely nervous the day of. I had been planning on this for a few weeks. This last Monday, I got hay fever that turned quickly into a sinus infection. Or something. Anyway, finally took some pills since I kept getting hotter and hotter. So today, I felt better and thought I could go to the audition.

Except my nerves got to me. Looked up how to prepare. Should had done that a few weeks ago. I don't have a head shot or a resume. Even if I did have a resume, it's far from impressive. My nerves got worse not only for lack of these things, but for realizing that I'd be up against people who WOULD have these things. So I was fighting the passion to just try and the practicality of not wasting anyone's time.

Lesson 1: ALWAYS keep a head shot and resume with you. Though this didn't seem to matter to this company, I read it's important for actors to do.

But I finally just got dressed and made it out. It was at a college campus and thanks to a couple of nice people I didn't end up walking to the opposite end like I was about to. The production people were nice and sweet and seemed unphased by my complete lack of preparedness. I only wasn't shocked that she asked if I had a monologue ready because that's one thing I researched. But I didn't bother because the casting call didn't ask for one.

Lesson 2: Have a monologue memorized and at the ready!

I also wasn't confused by the term "slide" because of my research. I looked over the scene and it was hard to concentrate because of chatter and a video they were playing.

Lesson 3: During cold reads, don't be shy to go outside and read over and even practice!

I saw people start to gather and figured it was now or never. I said my name into the camera and I got the "whenever you're ready" and I read. I was going back and forth from "Don't stare at the paper!" and "Oh crap, it's still me..." So I was either staring at the paper or frantically trying to look where I was.

Lesson 4: Same as Lesson 3. Just be better prepared. Act it out to get the flow.

There was one shining moment. I don't know the protocol, but in Wil Wheaton's blog, he's always vague. So, let's say there was one moment where I was there. I heard the guy chuckle, but kept going. My only hope is that in that one moment, he sees potential. That if we can peel away the nervousness and I can prepare more, I'm good.

Lesson 5: Find that "there" well before you walk into the room.

Last page, something between half a minute and a minute and a half later, he was saying that they were holding auditions for awhile. And that if I don't hear anything in a week, it's because they're still auditioning. I'm used to this from job interviews. However, he said he'd let me know either way. That, I never got in job interviews. In job interviews, you only get a call if you get the job or second interview. So, that's nice to know.

Also, I'm going to have to wonder if that was similar to the flat, "Thank you. We'll keep in touch," or that since he went into explaining that it means I'm still in the running at least for now. I may had been the first person to audition for the role. So I could get knocked out by someone who did have a headshot and resume, as well as a prepared monologue.

However, I wasn't going for that role anyway. I was going for one of the friends. Which, I don't think have speaking roles, or long enough for a cold read. And as I said before, I had no monologue. So. We'll see.

Lesson 6: I seem quite capable of forgetting there's a camera there. Go me. :)

So, "Earthlike moon" seems like an oxymoron. Unless you characterize celestial orbs based on orbit. Stars/suns do not orbit. They are the gaseous balls of fire that are the basis of any system. The orbs that orbit them are planets. (And I still maintain that Pluto IS a planet. Irregular orbit is still orbit.) And what orbits the planet are moons. Funny how in our perception down here, the moon is the "star" among the stars. Yet, in reality, moons are tertiary in the orbit hiearchy and stars are the base by which it all happens.

I may need to get a third opinion about something. When I was a kid, our family doctor said I'd need to get my nasal passages scraped because they're crooked, but after a certain age because I need to finish growing.

Well, years later (few year ago) I asked a doctor I was visiting (about something else) about it. He scoffed and said it wouldn't do anything. I'm not sure he even looked. I wonder if he thought I was asking for a nose job.

From what I understand, it wouldn't change the shape of my nose at all. And I don't want that. God gave me THIS nose for good reason.

I seem to have this chronic cycle of sinus issues, though and I wonder if it's because they can't drain properly. Well, I know one side is draining, but it does it too much. Who knows what the problem is.

Anger comes from fear.

Think about it. Why do we get angry at our children? We fear they're going to do something to hurt themselves. Why do we get angry with our lovers? We fear we'll lose them, they're not who we thought they were, that they'll do it again, etc. Road rage is a definite proof to this. We scream and freak out because we fear for our lives!

But fear is the absence of trust.

We can't trust our children to make the right decisions, so we must guide them. We should be able to trust our lovers, but we all have moments of weakness. It's coming back and apologizing for the lack of trust, etc. that's the important thing. And we certainly can't trust other drivers, so we have to be the smarter ones.

But the reason I started this post was to point out that we need to control our anger.

I can't ask you to trust anything, and anger and fear are natural and even healthy. It's how we channel that anger is the important thing. And I am sympathetic that anger is harder to control at some times than others: Tiredness, hormones, an accumulation of several little irritations, a larger irritation, etc.

Talk. Don't bottle things up. Even if it's going to hurt the other person, embarrass you, etc. It'll pass and it's far better than exploding. And even in talking, anger spills out. And even in talking, you'll feed to worse levels of anger. I don't know how one would control it as I have issues often still myself. But, I do know I realize things in hindsight. So, here are things to think about that can help feed into a calmer state of mind:

• Will any of this matter later?
• What could I have done to prevent this?
• What did I do wrong?
• What do I apologize for?
• Why did I react so strongly?
• What was it all really about?

And the reality is, controlling your anger won't always make the problem better. (Neither will letting anger take control, but it will always make it worse.) You may still have to punish your children. You may still have to say goodbye to the lover because the mistrust was proven needed. You may still need to be cautious and back down to the drivers who could cause a wreck. But you can do it without possibly making things worse.

Anger, if let go really far, can be like being so high or so drunk, you lose control and don't even remember it later. Anger can be deadly. I mean that in the most literal way possible. Beware of yourself.

I actually have things to update on!

The school year ended with uncertainty of where I'd get money over the summer.

A few weeks ago, I started probationary work at a printshop in Pine Bluff. It's quite a commute, so I only go in Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays (in town that day anyway) and it seems to be plenty of time to do enough pre-press to keep the guys in the shop busy between my time there. However, I also have a pretty big project I'm working on at home for the same company that's outside my in-shop hours.

I've also started a repeat job for my Edmonton client. A newsletter. He's also informed me he will want business cards and a website. So August, right after my birthday will be most busy. I'm just hoping by then, I have the big project done.

And I still want to be a substitute.

Top Ten Myths About Introverts. I will make notes. :)

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
What they say is not true for me. I talk A LOT. And I don't ALWAYS have to say it. In fact, mostly, it's best I NOT say it. I don't mind small talk at all! I've noticed I'm shy until someone shows the slightest interest. Then I tend to spill my whole life story. That last sentence is very true. :) "Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days."

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
I'm not exactly sure what this one means. I AM shy initially. People make me nervous. Especially if I don't know what to do with them. I like a reason as a social catalyst. That's why I love game nights. It helps break the ice. You might want to worry about being polite with me. :)

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
I have noticed my matter of fact tone can be taken as rude. I'm just being pragmatic. I do want people to be real and honest. Don't sugar coat for me. I rather know you don't like me than get a vibe behind a two-faced smile. If you're straight with how you think of me, I may not get along with you, but I can trust you. That earns you my respect.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
I LOVE my friends. I LOVE being close to a few people. However, the faceless population; man, they annoy me.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Not true of me. I find it hard to leave places if I'm even just comfortable. If I'm having fun, I'll get pouty that it's over. I do need recharge time... even if I have a hard time giving it myself.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Yea. Though I tend to share my thoughts way too much. Daydreaming is my favorite pastime. I can't say I like problems! Though, I do enjoy working on things sometimes. I get lonely easily. Painfully lonely. I do like one on one time with certain people, but generally that usually is just my husband. I do also love hanging out with my friends in groups. I like to watch others have fun as much as I like having fun.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
I am definately my own person. :) And very proud of it. I WOULD like to be valued (rather than judged) for my novel thoughts! YES! TOTALLY ME! -beams-

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Well, that makes us sound like snobs! LOL But since we DO daydream, it can definetly be more interesting. But I DO pay attention to what's around me. Mostly. Sometimes.... :)

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Ok, I DO have trouble relaxing, but I DO know how to have fun! I can handle being in a houseful of talking so long as I can pick out a conversation to engage in. Add a TV and yea, my stress level rises a lot. Or if I'm unable to single out a conversation, well, I don't shut down so much as sit back and watch and listen to it all. I don't know what my pathways are. I think I'm a little introvert and a little extrovert.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
-blink- Well, introverts can (and do) behave in certain ways to get a certain job, girl, etc. People put on "disguises" all the time. But people also usually suffer from being what they aren't. Be you and be proud of it.

Looking over this, I would guess I am not a TRUE introvert. Especially recently, I may be more outgoing. However, I DO have some introvert tendencies. My husband, I think, is a TRUE introvert.

This was actually posted on my Facebook on Tuesday, August 18, 2009 at 12:04pm.

I love that poetry never fails me. I may get stuck, but always find the rest of it soon and it flows so freely. I can't draw well and not disciplined to practice as much as I should. Dance costs money, and writing stories seems such a struggle at times. I love acting, but my temperament makes me want to hide. I love role playing (impromptu acting) but that art form is rather rare for others to undertake and there seems to be a sort of drama attached that I dislike, yet endure (and stoke sadly) because of my joy for role playing.

But I write in such ironic moods. I have a dark side, as we all do, but if all you knew of me was my poetry, you'd see the wrong person. Writing poetry gives me that creative high. I feel alive, bigger than myself. Yet, the words flow and become quite dark. It's not the real me, but it's the poetry that flows.

I read a couple of poems from Edgar Allen Poe that were in a Love Poem app I got in the iPhone. It looks oddly familiar. He wrote about love, but so darkly. I admittedly, and ironically, don't read much poetry, so I can't say I'm influenced. But it looks as if I'm influenced by Poe. Perhaps I should read more poetry and find a lighter style.

Then again, why should I try to write differently than what naturally flows. That defeats the purpose, I believe. And often, when you force something, it breaks the flow completely. If ever commissioned, I can write in another style, but poetry, like any other art, when done simply to express, then why should we conform to any other whims than our own? It's our heart we're putting out there. And the thing about poetry is that it can be rather vague, so we can share, but hide all at once.

I just wonder why I'm having a sudden passion now? Again, even, perhaps. I write differently than I did when I was younger. Perhaps I don't feel I need to do anything a certain way. Perhaps I finally understand the freedom poetry can give.

This is the teardrop of a dragon. But, you see, it's not like our tears that wipe away or dry up . When a dragon cries, it's such a strong emotion, the tear is actually a little piece of them. It will grow into a strong, large dragon itself. A baby dragon (which is the teardrop) looks very much like a round smooth thing. It could look like a stone or a rock. But if you hold it gently and concentrate, you can feel the tiny heartbeat and feel the tiny warm breath. No one knows how long it takes a baby dragon to grow, but it is a special gift to have found one. Of course, some day, it will realize it belongs in the sky. They sometimes come and visit when no one can see. No one know why a dragon would cry when they can fly so high. But maybe they cry for us. Maybe they feel sad that we cannot fly. So in their mourning for us, they give us a small gift. So that, even for a moment, we can believe in anything.

We had traveled all night. After a fierce battle. Finally, at dawn's
light, we reached the village. We were about to enter through the
rough gate when Niko collapsed.

We had not noticed the wound on his side. Or his labored breath as we
moved through the forest. Lila quickly moved to take out some potions.

"No, my dear Lila."

I rushed to his side, "Come, my friend, we are here at safety!"

"I cannot go in. I cannot taint their village with death. Please,
Rile. Let me die in the place I love. The wild."

"You need not die at all!" Lila was taking her potions, mixing a few
into a pouch with water. "This will make you good as new!"

"No, my dear friends. You need to see. The sword was poisoned. My
Lila, even your alchemy cannot help me now."

"Then what can we do?" I asked helping him lie back.

"Do not leave me until the light has left my eyes."

So we stayed, holding him close, paying no mind to the blood soaking
our knees. The dew had not yet dried when his eyes held finally. We
closed his unseeing eyes to the rising sun and buried him deep in the
forest, his home. Now and forever.